OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
