i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
