She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
