You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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