Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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