he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
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