i just sent this text using only my big toe
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
