Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
