I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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