You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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