Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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