I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
