Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
