Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
