I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
