After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Please don't give away my fajitas
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
