also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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