So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
