I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
