You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
