then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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