omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
