When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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