Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
