I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
