I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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