I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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