No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
