I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
