We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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