Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
