...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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