In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
