my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
