the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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