you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
