fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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