careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
