I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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