I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
