I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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