I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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