I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
