I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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