Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
