I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
