She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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