he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
