Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
