whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
