My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
