If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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